msqueenly:

tangledupinlace:

I’ve been staring at this page for far too long thinking about how to put feelings into words and who I’m talking to and why I’m talking at all.

Tumblr, sometimes I don’t give you nearly enough credit and sometimes I let you shake me far more than I’m comfortable admitting. You’ve given me heros…

I always feel weird and conflicted, reblogging photos of fat white people who probably aren’t actively anti-racist, especially the sizeist “chubby” girls who only feel confident because they got 600+ notes and know that there’s an “uglier, fatter” fat person than them out there so they have the one-up. I can’t deny that they are fat and beautiful to me so I think, “Why not?”, then once I like, reblog, or add to my queue, I still feel like I’m playing into a system that privileges whiteness in that simple act. Reaffirming their beauty and worth while my own worth/other people of color’s worth is devalued and trampled and spat upon, while hardly anyone visits my blogs or supports me and other people of color in the movement.

I fight everyday and I do the majority of my fighting alone. As a queer persyn. As a Black womyn. As fat persyn. As a working class/poor persyn. I feel alone.

I always feel angry that they will never know what its like to be oppressed from so many different angles and they don’t care as long as they can be fat, white, and pretty and have people like and reblog their photos, flattering them, validating their existence in this world and, simultaneously, their privilege. Then they lecture me about confidence and solidarity while building their pedestals on my back and the backs of my ancestors and the backs of everyone else whose lives their privilege affects.

I don’t see my anger as a bad thing; I see it as the very thing that allows me to see them clearly for who and what they are. It helps me remember that they too are my enemy, no matter their intentions, and to never forget it.

I unfollowed Fat Acceptance Frenchie, Philosophy of Fat, and Daily Fatspirations, and never followed a whole host of blogs for these reasons. Because they might as well hang up a sign that reads WHITES ONLY, PARTY INSIDE, NO ANTI-RACISM WE ONLY WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. Maybe it doesn’t matter but this kind of act of social disobedience on the internet its helps me cope with the reality that as a fat, queer, working class, Black womyn, no one cares about the intersectionality and struggle of my existence. Without validation, support, love, and care, I must learn to live on my own and live within myself. I am the only one who will speak for me with competence, experience, and passion.